Most of the time you read about how good everything is on a homestead whether on or off the grid. While getting off the power grid and growing my own food is my goal, some days I just want to give up.
I often wonder why am I trading one struggle for another?
Struggling to make enough money to pay bills and buy food or spend what I do have for solar and grow my own food but live with the hard labor and bugs that comes with growing your own.
I will admit that I did wish this on myself, I despise the cold weather and I was so happy with the mild weather wishing the cold to stay away. Now there are a zillion mosquitoes and they are seriously torturing me.
I sprayed the area around my home and I sprayed myself and what do they do? attack my face and head, around my neck!
The fields that have to be mowed, either with a push mower or a small riding mower, takes hours and hours and let me tell you, its not a smooth ride just because its a riding mower. Tractor? Naa cost to much for me to invest, I had big hopes but I am backing away from that idea unless I intend to live outside 12- 16 hours a day
I do not even have to touch poison ivy or oak and I get it all over me, how? Cats rubbing my legs, dogs all over me and I can bet its floating in the air. I am sure no one living in a nice maintained grounds of apartment complex or a nice little cul de sac has to deal with poison oak or ivy.
I have yet to understand how people make money farming especially a small operation because the work is so hard and demanding and the public wants to pay you pennies for your hard work, the food, and all the time it takes to make one single tomato or ear of corn, the pests/ bugs always eating it before you can harvest, its a real battle.
The battle within me is real!
Do I want to stay here and keep battling this grass and the pest, the droughts and floods or do I want to move to a small place, small lawn for the dogs and grow porch tomatoes? Maybe a little solar power system? Keep working for others till I die to pay for food and the utilities.
As you can tell by what you are reading, I am so tired and I have hit rock bottom, I am covered in poison oak bumps and mosquito bites and I killed a tick in the house.
I am so unsure of what I want and I am middle aged! I should already know what I want from life.
I reckon that is just life and everyone every now and then hit the bottom and have no idea where to go from here, the bottom.
By Andria Perry
Photo by Andria Perry