Monday, April 24, 2017

Getting Off The Grid - The War Within



Most of the time you read about how good everything is on a homestead whether on or off the grid. While getting off the power grid  and growing my own food is my goal, some days I just want to give up.

I often wonder why am I trading one struggle for another?

 Struggling to make enough money to pay bills and buy food or spend what I do have for solar and grow my own food but live with the hard labor and bugs that comes with growing your own. 

I will admit that I did wish this on myself, I despise the cold weather and I was so happy with the mild weather wishing the cold to stay away. Now there are a zillion mosquitoes and they are seriously torturing me. 

I sprayed the area around my home and I sprayed myself and what do they do? attack my face and head, around my neck!

The fields that have to be mowed, either with a push mower or a small riding mower, takes hours and hours and let me tell you, its not a smooth ride just because its a riding mower. Tractor? Naa cost to much for me to invest, I had big hopes but I am backing away from that idea unless I intend to live outside 12- 16 hours a day

I do not even have to touch poison ivy or oak and I get it all over me, how? Cats rubbing my legs, dogs all over me and I can bet its floating in the air. I am sure no one living in a nice maintained grounds of apartment complex  or a nice little cul de sac has to deal with poison oak or ivy.

I have yet to understand how people make money farming especially a small operation because the work is so hard and demanding and the public wants to pay you pennies for your hard work, the food, and all the time it takes to make one single tomato or ear of corn, the pests/ bugs always eating it before you can harvest, its a real battle.

The battle within me is real!

Do I want to stay here and keep battling this grass and the pest, the droughts and floods or do I want to move to a small place, small lawn for the dogs and  grow porch tomatoes? Maybe a little solar power system? Keep working for others till I die to pay for food and the utilities. 

As you can tell by what you are reading, I am so tired and I have hit rock bottom, I am covered in poison oak bumps and mosquito bites and I killed a tick in the house.

I am so unsure of what I want and I am middle aged! I should already know what I want from life.

I reckon that is just life and everyone every now and then hit the bottom and have no idea where to go from here, the bottom.

By Andria Perry
Photo by Andria Perry

13 comments:

  1. I am sorry you are covered in bumps. I bet you have to be miserable. I don't miss those days at all.

    Every now and again we need to reevaluate our lives to see what matters and what we want to do with it. You sound like you are on the edge of wanting some type of change.

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    1. Yes go all the way or jump off now.

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  2. I love a big lawn but think as I get older I want to be able to pay someone to care for it lol

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    1. Paying is out of the question, I have 2 acres.

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  3. Hang in there! It undoubtedly sounds like a ton of work... I like the idea of a tiny house w a large tomato plant :) Give yourself credit for the progress you've made irrespective if it turns out or not to be your path...

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    1. I am determined to make it, if not here solar somewhere else.

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  4. Trials will always make someone question what they REALLY want. Only you can ever know if the struggle is worth it in the end.

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    1. Life changes daily around here so I am in limbo.

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  5. Dear Andria,
    Now you understand why I don't have grass anymore. You understand why I constructed 16" high raised garden beds. Selling plants is more lucrative than selling produce. I use produce and baked/prepared foods for barter. I don't have to shovel snow just bake something.
    Try applying a minty mouthwash from the dollar store as a mosquito repellent. Works for me and the dog.

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    1. The older I get the more I do understand, I am learning to barter more but most people want money and that is it.

      Thanks for the mouthwash info, I have plenty I got with coupons sitting under the cabinet.

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  6. Mosi's are the bane of my life too but love the minty mouthwash idea from Irene1, And yes you do have a lot of grass to mow and I don't envy you that. Maybe some raised beds or poly tunnels to grow food and at least it will be waist height and easier to manage.

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    1. I have considered the raised beds. The mouthwash worked!

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  7. Hang in there. Some things get easier every year. I've been clearing poison ivy out of my Whiter relatives' yards for years; would come out and dig up yours, but it'd probably be cheaper to rent a local goat, or herd of goats.

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